Sunday, May 11, 2014

Memori


Hari ini air mata mengalir deras bagai mengerti segala apa yang terpendam di lubuk hati…air mata yang gugur jatuh persatu bersama esakan yang hanya aku yang mengerti. Terasa begitu kosong dan sepi, begitu terasing dan keseorgan melalui hari hari yang mendatang. Semua memori bagaikan menari di bayangan mataku tanpa dipinta. Sedihkah aku? Layakkah aku dipanggil insan yang sedih dan berduka? Layakkah aku? Zalimkah aku pada diriku? Persoalan demi persoalan menerpa benakku…tidak gembirakah aku? Bermasalahkah aku? Mengapa hati aku begitu degil..degil untuk menerima segala yang telah pun berlaku dan berlalu. Masih tercari-cari kebahagian dan kegembiraan di masa lampau walau ianya tidak mungkin berlaku.. segala keraguan dan bayangan lampau menghantui diriku..mengapa aku masih tidak sanggup menerima apa yang telah berlaku? adakah waktu yang tidak berpihak atau memang sudah jalannya hidup aku begini. Hatiku terasa sayu..setelah aku berfikir mencari alasannya namun semakin jauh aku terluka..sememangnya waktu tidak berpihak kepadaku..aku tersentak apabila tendangan bayiku bertalu talu di perutku.. “ Mama sayangkan kamu baby” terima kasih sayang kerana kembalikan mama ke alam realiti kamu adalah anugerah yang terindah pernah mama miliki.. mama silap sayang, mama tidak keseorangan melalui hari yang mendatang..mama punyai kamu..kamu semangat mama sayang..terima kasih kerana hadir dalam hidup mama sayang.. mama sungguh tidak sabar menatap kamu sayang.. kamu lah cinta mama sayang.. mama tidak mungkin akan mengalah dalam dugaan hidup ini..mama akan berusaha demi kamu sayang mama..maafkan mama sayang kerana terlalu menuruti emosi sehingga mengabaikan kebajikan mu sayang….

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

"R.E.G.R.E.T."٩(×̯×)۶


Regret can be defined as the pain of mind on account of something done or experienced in the past, with a wish that it had been different; a looking back with dissatisfaction or with longing; grief; sorrow; especially, a mourning on account of the loss of some joy, advantage, or satisfaction.

I have many regrets and I know everyone does. The stupid things I did . I regret. I understand because I have a sense and if I don't regret, I'm stupid. Two years ago,I have made a big mistake in my life. Is actually a little disappointment and depressing for me. All the memories they come back and haunting me until now. The memories keep chasing me from all angels and dangles.They are in front of me!!but I can't run away and just let the tears drop. I can't lie to myself that it was over and I damn miss that moments so much. I don't want let the memories keeps  grow stronger and stronger because i know it just only destruct myself.

My lovely brother keep remind me, "Move on Sis...move on.." I m just smiling when I hear that voices in my head   ." Can I delete my memories??" The memories is not a program that I install in my computer. Memories is Memories. It's not easy and takes time to remove and erase them. Whenever I remember all the crazy things at the same time I try hard to let it go. I so damn regret for all the memories that I have made.

Two years had passed by fast. 

Years go by and time just seems to fly

 But the memories still remain

Damn regret, I'll try to forget
Don't worry about me 'cause I'm refined
Cast my line to see what's behind

 Did you think you'd persuade me to let you go?


Now time was right, I stand by the closed lift once more like that night, two years ago. Like that night it was cold and silent with no soul in sight. Like that night, I was alone.

For the past two years, I had grown like the rest but my mind had kept in touch with the painful memories that never left my mind and...


REGRET was always in my mind.


You're the only one I turn to
When I feel like no one's there
And when I'm lonely in my darkest hour
You give me the power
To sit and pretend


                                                                                                 
                                                                     11.38 pm ٩(×̯×)۶